paamayim nekudotayim

Nothing bad will happen (hopefully), but I’m in such a deep shit this week.

Now this is what I call stress. A real one.

** This is the kind of things that contribute to the Restless Leg Syndrome I’ve been having since I don’t recall how long. I have never given much thought about the “leg-shaking” thing. A lot of people say it’s a bad habit. Four out of six colleagues told me to stop everytime. Personally I believe they’re stopping me doing that has more to do with the annoyance caused by the shaking, rather than the tendencies of me going mad (which, I’m not sure in a joking way or not, a doctor friend of mine said, that RLS might be on the step 2 out of 8 on the road towards what, insanity?).
Whatever.

** In fact, there’s been a shift in my attitude towards pressure. Deadline pressure, that is. Tight deadline usually works in a rather positive way, forcing us to do things in a more efficient way (subject to the nature of the things, of course). I used to be able to take advantage of that. Over time, there’ been a shift in me. Put under pressure in the face of tight deadline, I’d just give up. To think that there’s too huge a task to be performed within a limited time, I’d just buckle. Too much, too much, I couldn’t do it.

No matter how they say that we should think in terms of smaller components and accomplishments, I just couldn’t seem to exclude the big, overbearing objective. That’s why I’ve always given up on many responsibilities coming my way.  Without deadline, I’m able to do things good enough to my satisfaction. But I have a slight tendency of a perfectionist, so without deadline I would take my time to polish and re-polish things over and over again. In the end, the satisfaction is not worth the inefficiency, thus raising the dissatisfaction back up. (I can’t get no) satisfaction.

Basic. These are all basic. I need to get back to the period of time when we’re taught basic stuffs.
Apparently years of learning can be unlearned unconsciously.